Starting over again...again

   I’m in a pretty good mood and am rather excited about things, so I’m going to save apologies (for not writing for so long) and recriminations (for not dieting for so long) for later.

  Oops. Guess I went ahead and did it, huh?

  That’s OK. I’m still pretty upbeat.

  This is going to take a while. So if you’re like me, go ahead and put on your reading glasses and get comfortable in your chair. You’re going to be here a while.

   Let’s start with the good news.

   I signed up with Weight Watchers again today, and I’m pretty excited about it.

   I’ve been getting supportive and encouraging e-mails and posts from some of you, and that has helped me not completely give up on a weight program – or a healthy lifestyle program – completely. Honestly, I haven’t monitored my eating, or exercised regularly, since before Thanksgiving. That realization was a big “Wow!” for me. And one of the many reasons I’m more than a bit embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

  But I’m not going to dwell on that – yet.

  I went in to re-enlist, and there was this really nice and encouraging woman there – I should have noted her name – who didn’t fuss, didn’t make me feel like a failure or a bad person because I quit the program for six months.

  Six months?

  OK, I’ve tried to restart several times during that time. I’d promise myself – and others – that I would start on Monday. Only on Monday I would decide that wasn’t a good day to start because A) I was too busy, B) I had a headache, C) I had an event to attend, D) it was Monday, E) all of the above plus several other excuses.

  So I’d vow to start the next day. Then the next…etc., etc.

  And here I am now, six months later.

  But this woman at Weight Watchers got me excited about starting again, and it wasn’t because she gave me a pep talk. She was just nice and understanding.

   I bought two Weight Watcher cookbooks while I was there, and am looking forward to going through them. I’ve modified my strategy a bit from last time – my entire family is going to follow the Weight Watchers program, even though they don’t know it and hopefully won’t realize it.

   Of course since I’m the only one of us who needs to lose weight, I won’t limit their portions as I will mine. But I figured it would be good for all of us to eat healthier. And it will make life easy for me not to have to fix my meals separately.

   Speaking of making life easier….

   Another big change in my life is my retirement from the newspaper, after 24 years there. No, I’m not old enough (I love saying that) to technically retire and get all the benefits, but I’m calling it that because it sounds better than quitting. My husband’s only request was that my top priority for the next several weeks, or months, be to get healthy. That means dedicating myself to Weight Watchers and walking.

   I’m rather excited about that.

   In the back of my mind is the niggling fear that I’ve said all this before. That I’ve been excited about getting started before. That I’ve bought cookbooks before. Filled my refrigerator with fruits and healthy food before.

   And that I have failed every time.

   Whether it was quitting after losing 27.8 pounds this past time, or after losing 135 pounds the time before, and all the times before that, I’ve never been truly successful at sticking with a weight reduction/healthy lifestyle plan.

   What makes me think this time will be different?

   I don’t know that it will. And that’s scary.

  But I know I have to try. I want to be healthy. I’m 47 years old and medically obese. I’m taking cholesterol medication, thyroid medication and am at risk for diabetes and heart disease. I get winded when I walk from the closest parking space into the grocery store. I dread my next trip on an airplane because I know I won’t fit in the seat, and I know if we go to an amusement park this summer I won’t be able to ride the roller coasters with my boys.

   I look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back at me with a sagging chin and flabby upper arms. I had a dream recently that I looked down and saw rolls of fat sagging off my fat legs.

   My husband keeps reading studies that scare him about the health ramifications of being overweight.

   And yes, I am disappointed in myself, and more than a bit flabbergasted, for planning to start my diet “tomorrow” for the past six months.

  I’m disappointed that I have gained back every single ounce of the 27.8 pounds I lost – with a bit of interest.

   But all I can do is try again. And dedicate myself to staying on track.

   I weighed in today at 278. On May 10, I started at 277.4, but this is the last time I’ll mention that number. We’re starting over and besides, too many numbers just gets confusing.

   And I do apologize for dropping out of the blog-o-sphere for so long. I kept hoping I’d have some good news to report – tomorrow, when I started my diet.

   OK, now for some blog news. Despite retiring, I’ll continue writing about my weight loss journey on this blog, Losing It. It will still be on The State’s website, although it won’t be listed under employee blogs any more since hey, I’m not an employee.

   Which is still weird to me. Twenty-four years is a long time.

   Anyway, I’m doing this on a volunteer basis because of feedback that I get from readers who say they relate, and that it actually helps them with their own weight loss battle. And I get lots out of it too – understanding and support from readers. I won’t be writing any more separate stories for The State, but on occasion they will run excerpts from the blog on Tuesday’s Health and Fitness page.

   So, there you have it, the longest blog entry I’ve ever written. The entries will probably all be a bit longer now, since I’ll not be writing anything else (except for romance novel reviews, which will be distributed by the McClatchy Tribune news service and hopefully will continue to run in The State.)

   So, wish me luck. And stay tuned.

Comments

[Gaye]

Hi Lezlie - Wow, you have had a lot going on! I have been looking for your articles, wondering how you are doing. I just want to encourage you as you are making a fresh start on the road to healthy living and weight loss. I know that you can reach your goals, even though it will be a lot of hard work. I think it's a great idea to think in terms of healthy living not just weight loss. Two resources that really help me keep a focus on healthy living are Cooking Light magazine and a book, The Step Diet, which I think I have mentioned to you before. Cooking Light encourages me every month to stay active, eat well, and be healthy. Even if I don't make any of the recipes out of a particular issues, I get ideas and a lot of encouragement. The Step Diet is the best book I have read on weight loss. It explains so clearly the physiology of weight loss, what works and what doesn't, and how to make a weight loss plan work for you. It also helps you develop a plan for maintaining weight loss, which can be one of the hardest parts of losing weight. I follow the book's walking plan, but not it's eating plan. I think it would be easy to combine the walking plan with Weight Watchers. I wish you the best and will look forward to hearing about your progress.

[Pam]

Congratulations on your retirement!!! What a great opportunity to focus on YOU now. I know you're gonna do great. Its great to see you post again too. I miss hearing about your journey. Remember, its not going to be easy. This is coming from someone who started out at 250+. Down 80+ now. Its been long and sometimes easy, sometimes hard, depending on where I am mentally. Just try to hang in there even when you feel like giving up. That accountability is what does it for me. After 3 weeks of now weighing in, I finally weighed in this morning. A small gain, but nothing major. Having friends that are in the process with you makes things easier. Hang in there and keep those posts coming!

[Kathryn]

Lezlie--
You go girl! I have an appointment w/ my doc b/c I seem to be gaining back most of the 35 pounds I lost two years ago. My feet hurt so much that walking is rough. I guess I need to find my swim suit. One thing--since you have a weight problem, it is possible your children will, too. Teaching them healthy portion sizes now will help them so much in the long run. My husband's nieces and nephews have one obese parent and one skinny one. As they hit their twenties, two have found weight control more of a challenge than when they could eat everything and stay skinny.
Best of luck!

[Karen]

Congratulations on re-committing to YOU! Changing your life certainly does take time and effort -- now you can dig in! I've found that cooking healthy keeps me in the kitchen a lot, with the dishwasher running twice a day! I love WW recipes. Check online for even more ideas. Here's a couple of tips: Figure out a few easy go-to meals (coz you're still going to be busy). Mine are those individually frozen chicken breasts (to bake or grill)or a bottom round sirloin roast (for the crockpot). My guys love pizza and I still order it for them. While we wait for delivery, I put *my* toppings on a boboli whole wheat crust and heat that up so we'll all have delicious pizza for dinner. (or you can have a WW frozen pizza) Save on fresh produce by shopping the farmer's market and enjoy lots of salad / cabbage slaw. Think of this lifestyle change implementation as your new *job*. You can do it!

[bec]

Lezlie, I did not realize you had already retired...Congratulations- I'm so happy for you. ...Now you can focus on YOU. Isn't that a refeshing idea. I love the ww pizza's but have a hard time just eating one. Look forward to hearing about your progress..Hang in there girl you can do it.
See you at the hockey rink soon....Bec