Losing It

Getting well soon...I hope

The bad news is, I haven't started my weight lose regimen or program yet. The good news (sort of) is that I haven't had much of an appetitve and haven't been eating much either.

I've been sick for going on two weeks now. First, I came down with bronchitis and have been on antibiotics for that. Then, while I was still taking those, my head became congested with either pollen or a virus, I'm not sure which. But the end result is, I've been feeling too lousy to prepare meals or think about meal planning -- or anything else.

Something has struck me, though. For most of my life, I've dealt with having bronchitis about twice a year (in spring and fall.) When I'm in good shape and eating healthy, I seem to get over it much quicker. When I'm not, like now, it takes much longer to fight it off. I'm still breathing heavy and get exhausted from walking from bedroom to TV room. That's one big motivator to eat right and exercise!

Which is another bummer about this. I had started walking and had to take a hiatus when I got sick. So especially after having bronchitis, I'm going to be starting all over there. But I don't think that will be a problem, because I actually MISS walking right now.

So hopefully in a few days, I'll be well enough to engage my plans!!!

Lunch plans?

Thanks to everyone who has posted comments and sent e-mails, and for not giving up on me?

Getting suggestions from some of you gave me an idea: I need some lunch ideas!

I'm going to be eating most of my lunches at home, alone now. Last time I did this, I ate frozen dinners, like Healthy Choice, Weight Watchers, Lean Cuisine, etc. But I got really tired of those really fast, and can't get excited about eating them again for lunch. So I wondered if any of you had any lunch-at-home suggestions?

Starting over again...again

   I’m in a pretty good mood and am rather excited about things, so I’m going to save apologies (for not writing for so long) and recriminations (for not dieting for so long) for later.

  Oops. Guess I went ahead and did it, huh?

  That’s OK. I’m still pretty upbeat.

  This is going to take a while. So if you’re like me, go ahead and put on your reading glasses and get comfortable in your chair. You’re going to be here a while.

   Let’s start with the good news.

   I signed up with Weight Watchers again today, and I’m pretty excited about it.

   I’ve been getting supportive and encouraging e-mails and posts from some of you, and that has helped me not completely give up on a weight program – or a healthy lifestyle program – completely. Honestly, I haven’t monitored my eating, or exercised regularly, since before Thanksgiving. That realization was a big “Wow!” for me. And one of the many reasons I’m more than a bit embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

  But I’m not going to dwell on that – yet.

  I went in to re-enlist, and there was this really nice and encouraging woman there – I should have noted her name – who didn’t fuss, didn’t make me feel like a failure or a bad person because I quit the program for six months.

  Six months?

  OK, I’ve tried to restart several times during that time. I’d promise myself – and others – that I would start on Monday. Only on Monday I would decide that wasn’t a good day to start because A) I was too busy, B) I had a headache, C) I had an event to attend, D) it was Monday, E) all of the above plus several other excuses.

  So I’d vow to start the next day. Then the next…etc., etc.

  And here I am now, six months later.

  But this woman at Weight Watchers got me excited about starting again, and it wasn’t because she gave me a pep talk. She was just nice and understanding.

   I bought two Weight Watcher cookbooks while I was there, and am looking forward to going through them. I’ve modified my strategy a bit from last time – my entire family is going to follow the Weight Watchers program, even though they don’t know it and hopefully won’t realize it.

   Of course since I’m the only one of us who needs to lose weight, I won’t limit their portions as I will mine. But I figured it would be good for all of us to eat healthier. And it will make life easy for me not to have to fix my meals separately.

   Speaking of making life easier….

   Another big change in my life is my retirement from the newspaper, after 24 years there. No, I’m not old enough (I love saying that) to technically retire and get all the benefits, but I’m calling it that because it sounds better than quitting. My husband’s only request was that my top priority for the next several weeks, or months, be to get healthy. That means dedicating myself to Weight Watchers and walking.

   I’m rather excited about that.

   In the back of my mind is the niggling fear that I’ve said all this before. That I’ve been excited about getting started before. That I’ve bought cookbooks before. Filled my refrigerator with fruits and healthy food before.

   And that I have failed every time.

   Whether it was quitting after losing 27.8 pounds this past time, or after losing 135 pounds the time before, and all the times before that, I’ve never been truly successful at sticking with a weight reduction/healthy lifestyle plan.

   What makes me think this time will be different?

   I don’t know that it will. And that’s scary.

  But I know I have to try. I want to be healthy. I’m 47 years old and medically obese. I’m taking cholesterol medication, thyroid medication and am at risk for diabetes and heart disease. I get winded when I walk from the closest parking space into the grocery store. I dread my next trip on an airplane because I know I won’t fit in the seat, and I know if we go to an amusement park this summer I won’t be able to ride the roller coasters with my boys.

   I look in the mirror and wonder who is looking back at me with a sagging chin and flabby upper arms. I had a dream recently that I looked down and saw rolls of fat sagging off my fat legs.

   My husband keeps reading studies that scare him about the health ramifications of being overweight.

   And yes, I am disappointed in myself, and more than a bit flabbergasted, for planning to start my diet “tomorrow” for the past six months.

  I’m disappointed that I have gained back every single ounce of the 27.8 pounds I lost – with a bit of interest.

   But all I can do is try again. And dedicate myself to staying on track.

   I weighed in today at 278. On May 10, I started at 277.4, but this is the last time I’ll mention that number. We’re starting over and besides, too many numbers just gets confusing.

   And I do apologize for dropping out of the blog-o-sphere for so long. I kept hoping I’d have some good news to report – tomorrow, when I started my diet.

   OK, now for some blog news. Despite retiring, I’ll continue writing about my weight loss journey on this blog, Losing It. It will still be on The State’s website, although it won’t be listed under employee blogs any more since hey, I’m not an employee.

   Which is still weird to me. Twenty-four years is a long time.

   Anyway, I’m doing this on a volunteer basis because of feedback that I get from readers who say they relate, and that it actually helps them with their own weight loss battle. And I get lots out of it too – understanding and support from readers. I won’t be writing any more separate stories for The State, but on occasion they will run excerpts from the blog on Tuesday’s Health and Fitness page.

   So, there you have it, the longest blog entry I’ve ever written. The entries will probably all be a bit longer now, since I’ll not be writing anything else (except for romance novel reviews, which will be distributed by the McClatchy Tribune news service and hopefully will continue to run in The State.)

   So, wish me luck. And stay tuned.

Still here

  Hey. Just wanted to drop a quick note to let everyone know I'm still here. I was hoping to wait until I had some good news to write something....but I still don't. BUT, I hope to have something positive to report by the end of the week.

  Basically, I've fallen completely off the wagon (again) but am pulling myself back up as I write this. (How's that for using two cliches in one sentence?) I just didn't think anyone would be interested in hearing me say over and over again that I still wasn't fully engaged in the program and hearing my sorry and pitiful excuses about it. That's why I was trying to wait until I could emphatically say I'm back on track.

  So, hopefully that's the message you'll get by Friday. In the meantime, thanks SO VERY much to those of you who haven't given up on me and who have sent me such nice e-mails and notes. It's really just not easy, is it?

 

Different Strokes

Pam took the words right out of my mouth. Or should I say keyboard?

I don’t know that you can call me a successful dieter, but I’ve definitely lost a lot of weight since my 21 birthday.

(Before that, I actually tried to GAIN weight and couldn’t do it. Life is just full of irony, huh?)

As y’all know, unfortunately I’ve gained back all those pounds. With interest.

Starting over is...like starting over

Starting over is truly just that. It’s amazing how much you forget in two months. You forget that half of your favorite sandwich with a cup of your favorite soup at your favorite lunch spot equals 16 points. You forget how much water 64 ounces is. You forget how long 30 minutes can be on the treadmill.

And sometimes you forget to record points -- or to squeeze in a Weight Watcher's meeting.

OK, I didn't FORGET the latter, but illness, work, yada, yada, yada kept me from going to a Weight Watcher's meeting last week. My plan for this week: Weigh in on Wednesday, go to a meeting near my home with friends on Thursday.

I'll let you know how it goes. And thanks for those e-mails! If I haven't responded back to you, I will soon!

Lezlie

Ugly Numbers

OK, I did it. I went to Weight Watchers.

   Here are the numbers, as ugly as they are:

   277.4 – My starting weight on May 10

   249.6 – My low weight on Oct. 26 (27.8 pounds lost)

   263.6 – My weight on Jan. 29 (13.8 pounds net loss, 14-pound gain since Oct. 26)

   So, time to regroup, re-start and re-lose.

   My next story appears in The State next Tuesday (Feb. 5). In it, I list several incentives I’ve conjured for myself to lose weight. A few of those are envisioning myself:

·         Being able to wear a swimsuit by the end of summer without being totally embarrassed.

·         Buying a new fall wardrobe from the non-plus size department.

·         Getting on an airplane in April without worrying about the seatbelt fastening.

   Once the story runs, I think I’ll cut out the full list and put it on my refrigerator, and maybe near my computer.

   Maybe being reminded of those benefits will keep me focused on my goal of controlling my eating and losing weight.

Sometimes it's hard not to be stupid

I haven’t started back yet.

I annoy myself when I start to list the reasons – or excuses, I suppose – why I’m still not back on my Weight Watcher’s weight loss plan. I’m in that I’ll start (choose one) tomorrow, Wednesday, Monday, next week phase.

   I get really annoyed with myself when I’m in that phase.

    I know all the right things to say to myself. I know it sounds and seems stupid and ridiculous when I go another day, another week, another MONTH without starting back. I know all this stuff.

   Still, I keep delaying.

  Dumb.

    I got my Weight Watchers tracking booklet and got in the car to go weigh in and re-up today. But on the way, my check-engine light came on, and since I’m driving to Raleigh tomorrow, I thought I’d call the dealership and see what was up with that. They told me to bring it in NOW, because that was the only time during the entire day they had to look at it. So I did. They told me it would take an hour to figure out if something was wrong with it. I told them no way, I didn’t have an hour. So they took an hour and fifteen minutes to tell me it was no big deal and it was fine to drive. Fifty dollars later and nearly 90 minutes later, I went by Weight Watchers, and they had closed.

   So, no weigh in.

    I hesitate to say it – because I KNOW how it sounds – but I do want to go Monday and weigh in, and re-up. A friend has asked me to go with her to a weekly meeting closer to home on Thursday nights. Although I love my leader and group on Fridays, it is a long drive and work demands often keep me from going. I’m thinking about switching to the closer meeting.

    Plus, Gary says having a “partner” will probably help keep me honest. He’s probably right.

    One thing I have to acknowledge – again – is that I’m just not real good with taking breaks from the weight loss plan. I probably shouldn’t have given myself the holidays off. Because it’s always so hard to “resume,” even if you’re resuming a healthy eating style, and not a “diet.”

    I have a history of not being a good “break” person.

    I have a busy work day Monday – I’m already going to have to reschedule my monthly powwow with Dr. Filler – but I’m going to try really hard to get to Weight Watchers to assess the damage I’ve done. If I don’t get there Monday, I’ll definitely get by on Tuesday, because it’s not quite as hectic.

    I just really hope I haven’t gained back all the weight I lost before Thanksgiving.

Starting today

  The holidays have got to be over for me.

  I have jokingly told folks I took a break from weight loss during the holidays….and kept extending the holidays. But now, the hiatus is over for me. I’m back in gear.

   It’s time. Past time.

  Today is the day, no more excuses. I’m not going to skip walking because Christmas wrapping paraphernalia is still blocking the treadmill. Not even waking up with a headache and feeling icky is going to keep me from starting today.

   From today forward, I will write down what I eat in my Weight Watchers online log. (I hope I still remember how.)

   I will walk.

   And I will be much more selective about what I eat. No matter if we’re at a post-game dinner, if we’re watching NFL playoffs or if I’m cold and tired.

  No more excuses.

  I will go to the grocery store and buy fruits and vegetables. I’m even going to make Weight Watchers vegetable soup.

  I’m going to weigh in this week to see the damage. I expect it to be extensive. But it going to come off again. With interest.

  Starting today.

Did you say blog?

    No matter how old you get, there are just some things you never expect to hear your parents say.

   “You haven’t written in your blog lately,” would be one of those for me.

   Actually, if it had been my Dad who said that, it wouldn’t have been so surprising. He surfs the internet daily for Gamecock news and communicates with family and friends via e-mail regularly.

  But the comment came from my mom – a woman who warily considers computers an potential enemy.

   So the fact that A) she knew what a blog was, B) knew I have one and C) found it, was rather a shock.

   So now, I have even more incentive to adhere to my weight loss plan – and write regularly for the blog.

   As I wrote in the newspaper Tuesday, my holiday hiatus from dieting has reinforced the importance of several aspects of weight loss programs: Writing down what I eat, keeping healthy food for snacks and meals on hand, going to Weight Watcher’s meetings, exercise and support.

   I’ve always had tremendous support from my parents, who like my husband worry about my health. So I’m lucky there. At home, Gary makes sure I don’t have to bake brownies and encourages me not to bring food that tempts me into the house – even if it’s something he likes too. And when I’m with my parents, they make sure they have stuff I can eat and hide the stuff I want that I can’t.

  It really helps that they all get it.

   Even so, getting back on track after the holidays has been tough. It’s just one more reason for the post-Christmas funk.