The Bottom 10: Title game edition

With a couple weeks still left before the SEC and Big 12 shake us out a national title game, the big day is already here for the Bottom 10 title to be decided as lollipop Washington faces sucker Washington State in the "Everyone has Licked 'Em Bowl." So grab some ipecac and a blindfold and settle in for the worst game of the year, nay decade.

10. KANSAS STATE
Last week: lost to Nebraska 56-28
This week: vs. Iowa State
Could things get much worse for K-State fans? First Ron Prince is fired as coach despite being on campus for about 90 minutes. Then stud QB Josh Freeman says he may go to the NFL, robbing the purple Cats of their best NFL-caliber player. In related news, the school will switch colors from purple to pink and rename Manhattan, Kan., as  Little New Jersey, Kan.
Prediction: a rotten “Little Apple”

9. TENNESSEE
Last week: Bye week
This week: at Vanderbilt
Week 2 of “Who Wants to Get Paid Millions to Lose to Florida and Georgia,” and no one has stepped up to walk the plank for the Volunteer Navy. Sure there are expectations, but who can refuse a huge office, company car and a coach’s personal workout room with tons of unused equipment!
Prediction: is that rowing machine still in the original box?

8. DUKE
Last week: lost to Clemson 31-7
This week: at Virginia Tech
The new-look Blue Devils don’t deserve to be here, but that is the nature of the ACC. Take a look at the top of any division, and you’ll see a bunch of teams that don’t deserve to be competing for a BCS berth. Only three teams have been eliminated from the ACC title race (sweet mother of all that is good and decent, that is pathetic), and the Blue Devils were the only one to lose last week. Thanks Clemson!
Prediction: Hoops season is here ... at last, we will have our revenge

7. TEXAS A&M
Last week: lost to Baylor 41-21
This week: bye week
A bad season became historically worse with TAMU’s most lopsided loss to Baylor since 1980 as the Aggies jumped out to a 41-7 deficit before rallying ... sort of. The loss assures the Wrecked Crew of finishing last in the Big 12 South and that the greater College Station area will be sold out of antacid until 2012.
Prediction: pass the Pepto

6. MISSISSIPPI STATE
Last week: lost to No. 1 Alabama 32-7
This week: vs. Arkansas
The sad part is Mississippi State, for all its offensive ineptness (worst scoring offense outside the two western W-states), could be staring at a bowl berth if it had beaten overmatched La. Tech in the opener. The defensive-minded ’Dogs have two winnable games remaining, but the offense may have cost Sly Croom his job.
Prediction: my kingdom for a touchdown

5. INDIANA
Last week: lost to No. 8 Penn State 34-7
This week: at Purdue
Thank the heavens basketball season is here, because Hoosier fans were running out of excuses as to why they were skipping football games. But hey, if the football team is only going to come for one half (36 yards, one first down in second half against Penn State), at least the fans won’t feel too bad.
Prediction: who cares, no one’s watching anyway

4. SYRACUSE
Last week: lost to Connecticut 39-14
This week: at Notre Dame
Things to do in Syracuse now that the Greg Robinson regime has been overthrown in a glorious victory for the people! 1) Burn inexplicably purchased G-Rob boxers. 2) Construct G-Rob effigy from abundant snow drifts; pummel it with a boat oar. 3) Hide in basement until spring and hope coaching search works out perfectly.
Prediction: new coach – Sarah Palin ... aw, crap

3. IOWA STATE
Last week: lost to No. 12 Missouri 52-20
This week: at Kansas State
Nine straight losses have the Cyclones reaching for the Washington stratosphere of suck. The only winless Big 12 team in league play has played within a touchdown of one of its past six opponents and has lost 16 in a row on the road. The final nail in the Clones’ season is a league game on the road. Yay.
Prediction: a bad combination

1(t). THE STATE OF WASHINGTON
Last week: Who cares? No one, that’s who! (It was more losing)
This week: Game of the half-minute: No. 118 Washington (0-10) at No. 119 Washington State (1-10)
Forget Texas Tech at Oklahoma, get ready for the Slap Fight of Year as Wazzu and U-Dub poke each other’s corpses with a stick in the de facto Bottom 10 title game (aka, the annual Apple Cup) Saturday. At stake are the usual yearly bragging rights and the eternal knowledge that your team hit rock bottom but still, under that rock, lay your worst rival. If the football gods have a sense of humor (and judging by Notre Dame, they still do), this game will end in a 4-4 tie when the field is swallowed up by the earth, Old Testament style.
Prediction: the worst of the worst

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Photos Courtesy: The Associated Press