What's (Kevin) Love Got To Do With It?

   We here at Rip are still trying to wrap our minds around the mysterious trade between Minnesota and Memphis during last week’s NBA draft.

   With the help of cutting-edge media forensics (I made that up), we have reconstructed the conversation between Timberwolves general manager Kevin McHale and Grizzlies GM Chris Wallace:

 

   McHale: Yeah, I’m still waiting for my large pepperoni with an order of cheesy bread and …

 

   Wallace: McHale, is that you?

 

   McHale: Wallace? Oh … I must have hit the wrong speed dial button.

 

   Wallace: So, Kev … what was up with you picking O.J. Mayo tonight?

 

   McHale: What do you mean? All the draft pundits said we had to pick him.

 

   Wallace: But you had been saying for weeks if you couldn’t get Michael Beasley, you wanted Kevin Love to replace KG.

 

   McHale: We took the best available talent.

 

   Wallace: You didn’t have Love as the best available at No. 3?

 

   McHale: Are you trying to confuse me?

 

   Wallace: Do you want Love now?

 

   McHale: No, I wanted pepperoni pizza. Thanks for reaching out but I’m married and …

 

   Wallace: No, KEVIN LOVE, you idiot.

 

   McHale: Someone else drafted him.

 

   Wallace: That was us, dummy. Do you want him or not?

 

   McHale: What do you want?

 

   Wallace: O.J. Mayo.

 

   McHale: Hey, we have O.J. Mayo. That works out pretty good, right?

 

   Wallace: (silence)

 

   McHale: (cough)

 

   Wallace: You drive me nuts. You can have Mike Miller, too.

 

   McHale: I like him, too. Hey, that’s the deal we tried to make before the draft!

 

   Wallace: Duh.

 

   McHale: Why didn’t we do it then? I thought it was on … oh, wait, that’s why we drafted Mayo. …

 

   Wallace: (sobbing)

 

   McHale: Hold on … my call waiting just beeped … (click) … um, hello?

 

   Wallace: Still me, you moon-faced assassin of joy.

 

   McHale: Oh, sorry … (click) … yeah, hello?

 

   Pizza Hut: Mr. McHale? We received your message, but you have to understand – we need a credit card number from you before processing your order. We can’t accept draft picks as payment. …

   If you haven't already seen it, here is a YouTube clip of Love nailing a few ridiculous shots during practice this past March. ...

 

   Don’t know about you, but it seems to me this whole DeAndre McDaniel situation is going to devolve into a chemical spill before all is said and done. Kudos to Tommy Bowden, by the way, for apparently throwing his cell phone in the lake. All that’s left for him to do is stick his fingers in his ears, squeeze his eyes tight and run in circles. …

 

   Meanwhile, I hear Stephen Garcia is still helping old ladies across the street in Tampa. …

 

   One significantly underreported news item for the upcoming college football season is the coup pulled off by Charleston Southern. The Bucs will open their season at Miami. You have to give CSU coach Jay Mills a ton of credit for how he has raised its national profile these past few years. …

 

   Last, and quite frankly least, the ESPY nominees were announced this week. In the category of biggest upset, Appalachian State’s win at Michigan (yes!) is up against Fresno State’s baseball team (snore), the New York Giants’ Super Bowl win (that was just plain funny) and the pile of glue that won the Belmont. I know who I’m voting for.