Of mucilage, bailiwicks and occidents
One thing I truly enjoyed about writing this week’s tale on Doc McJames was the opportunity to read old-time sportswriting. To say the vernacular of the times was quirky would be an understatement.
Somewhat sans context, here are a few of my favorite turns of phrase, as they appeared:
“Capt. Joyce and the Senators are elated over their ‘second straight’ from the Giants, which they won yesterday, 14 to 6, and Joyce is specially pleased with Jimmy McJames’ performance in the box. The Giants tapped Jimmy safely nine times during the first five innings, after which Jimmy screwed his sand up to the mucilage point, and for the rest of the game but two hits were registered against him.”
— Washington Post, April 18, 1896
“A twirling sorcerer from out the glassy glades of the occident told off a spellbinding series of hazy scrolls and mystic flourishes with the white, round symbol of the pitcher’s office, while his victims stood like figureheads under the hypnotic charm of his black art.”
— Washington Post, April 19, 1898
“The Pittsburgs are the best at-home club in the major League, but when they strike the road they hit the toboggan. It’s odd that such a gang of snappy fighters should fall down away from their own bailiwick.”
— Washington Post, May 6, 1896
“After receiving his diploma, he settled at his old home, Cheraw, for the practice of his profession. The young doctor began to prosper at once. His father, a prominent physician of long standing, turned over to his son the greater part of his patronage. But the love for base ball got the possession of the once famous pitcher. Life in the little village did not furnish the dash and excitement that his nature craved for. Last spring, when the manager of the Brooklyn team made an urgent request for Dr James to come back into the League again, and supplemented the appeal with a handsome pecuniary offer, the physician could no longer resist the temptation.”
— Charleston News & Courier, Sept. 24, 1901 (Doc’s obituary)
Just for giggles, in the Charleston Post on that same day, there appeared an advertisement for cigars with this guarantee: “They are unexcelled. They aid digestion.” ...
Now, for the seriously strange: Russian shepherd Boris Urmatov is suing his country’s space agency for 1 million roubles ($42,000) after some rocket debris destroyed his outhouse. The agency’s response: “They fly, they fall.” ...
And lastly, the winners of Bookseller Magazine’s annual Oddest Book Title Competition have been announced. They are:
“If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start With Your Legs”
“I was Tortured By the Pygmy Love Queen”
“Cheese Problems Solved”
“Are Women Human?”
“How to Write a How to Write Book”
Some past winners:
“Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice”
“Joy of Chickens”
“The Theory of Lengthwise Rolling”
“Lesbian Sadomasochism Safety Manual”
“Living with Crazy Buttocks”
“Bombproof Your Horse”
