The Sports Guesspert

So is Justin Timberlake a Vols fan, a Celtics fan or ... what the?

Let me start by saying that the day after the All-Star game is considered in sports journalism circles as "the slowest news day of the year."

I tell you that not strictly in the interest of useless trivia. For you see, the ESPY Awards ceremony was held in the Nokia Theater in L.A. on Wednesday night. ESPN will hold its video of the show hostage until Sunday, July 20, at 9 p.m. So let's take a peek at what went down in the meantime.

As you can see, Justin Timberlake came out of his shyness shell to milk a few yucks from the crowd of sports stars and celebs. (I like the fact that ESPN's news report of the event uses Associated Press material. What, the Worldwide Leader refused to allow any of its reporters whatsoever to rub elbows with the Beautiful People? Typical of how the world views sports reporters. Anything to keep the riff-raff out.)

So unless some videos leak onto YouTube, we won't know until Sunday whether any of these sketches are funny or not. Maybe some of us won't even know after Sunday, if we don't plan to watch.

And the Janet Jackson picture below reminds me: Why is she always the one blamed for that Super Bowl halftime show in Houston? A.) Timberlake was the one who ripped HER shirt off; B.) It was a press release under his name that coined the phrase "Wardrobe Malfunction" ... yet the night is always portrayed as Janet Gone Wild? I don't get it.

But the important thing is that at least now we can visualize what Justin Timberlake looks like in Daisy Dukes.

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AP CAPTION: Justin Timberlake hosts the 16th annual ESPY Awards at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles on Wednesday, July 16, 2008. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

D'oh! Did you miss Homer the hurler?

We knew Homer Simpson went Hollywood last summer with the debut of "The Simpsons Movie" ... now he's throwing out the first pitch at a Dodgers game to pimp a Simpsons theme park ride at Universal Studios (click here for Hollywood or here for Orlando).

Come to think of it, how many defensive positions has Homer played in episodes through the years? I'd think he's best suited to be a first baseman, though obviously his biggest baseball success was being the Capital City Goofball.

Which Springfield character would be bested suited to play each defensive position? And what would the batting order look like?

I'd devote some brain power toward filling out that lineup card, but (SHAMLESS PLUG ALERT) I already crafted an "All-Simpsons Football Team" for CBSSPorts.com's SPiN on Sports.


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 AP CAPTIONS: Homer Simpson throws the first pitch before the start of the baseball game between the Florida Marlins' and Los Angeles Dodgers' at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles, Friday, July 11, 2008. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

Homer Simpson throws the first pitch before the start of the baseball game between the Florida Marlins' and Los Angeles Dodgers' at Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles, Friday July 11, 2008. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)

Son of a Who?

So in this past week, Mrs. Guesspert and I drove out to Isle of Palms to catch some music at The Windjammer.

Headliner was Marc Broussard. (the clip above is him performing his signature song "Home" on TNT during 2008 NBA All-Star game festivities in New Orleans). Opening act was Sons of William. Solid acts, a foot-stompin' good time was had by all. And even though there couldn't have been but a few hundred people in the joint on a Wednesday night, the bands played with an intensity like they were in an arena.

Afterwards, Broussard and a few of the other musicians hung around by the pool tables and were nice enough to pose for snapshots, sign CDs, chat people up. Very friendly and personable.

Now here's my punchline: The trip to Charleston proved quite educational for the Louisiana-based Sons of William. Lead singer Joe Stark said that when he got to the bar he immediately saw that right next to the posters for Sons of William were posters for another band -- Sons of Bill.

Can you believe that? You go name your band "Sons of William", someone else names their band "Sons of Bill". What are the odds?

But I'm sure the world is big enough for Sons of William and Bill and Will and Willy and Billy and Billiam, Inky, Blinky and Clyde.

I already took the liberty of Googling: I can't seem to find a "Sons of Will" or "Sons of Billiam."  Though maybe it's just a matter of time.

Meanwhile, here are two Sons of William clips I found. One is for their original song "Smile" ... the other is a cover of Clapton's "Bell Bottom Blues."

Wendy's offers 'Desperate French Fries' (and: we make an anti-SATC post)

Yes, that might be the worst pun in Guesspert blog headline history. But it's for a good cause.

Eva Longoria Parker worked the Wendy's counter for charity this week. Our trusty AP photo caption writer calls it:

"A publicity campaign for the second annual "Father's Day Frosty Weekend." The goal is to raise more than $1.3 million for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and the Wendy's Wonderful Kids Foundation."

I'm also making sure that I post a picture of Eva cheering on her husband Tony Parker during the Spurs' ill-fated Western Conference Finals showdown against the Lakers. Because we are, first and foremost, a sports blog that should get around to talking about sportsy-types of things every now and again.

Oh, and here's my next point: There's no way I would ever go see the "Sex and the City" movie (although Bride of Guesspert went out with her gal-pals Friday night to see it. Maybe she'll treat us with a guest review this weekend).

But I WOULD go see a "Desperate Housewives" movie.

And if Kristin Davis crossed over to appear in the "Desperate Housewives," I'd camp out for tickets.

In the meantime, help out the Wendy's charity, if you get a chance.
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AP CAPTION: Actress Eva Longoria-Parker works behind the counter at the Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers restaurant in Corpus Christi, Texas, on Tuesday, May 27, 2008, during a publicity campaign for the second annual "Father's Day Frosty Weekend." The goal is to raise more than $1.3 million for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and the Wendy's Wonderful Kids Foundation. (AP photo: Paul Iverson)

Actress Eva Longoria-Parker stands with employee Brooke Northcott, left, as she works behind the counter at the Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers restaurant in Corpus Christi, Texas, on Tuesday, May 27, 2008, during a publicity campaign for the second annual "Father's Day Frosty Weekend." The goal is to raise more than $1.3 million for the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and the Wendy's Wonderful Kids Foundation. (AP Photo/Paul Iverson)

Actress Eva Longoria-Parker holds up a sign supporting the San Antonio Spurs before the start of Game 4 of the NBA Western Conference basketball finals against the Los Angeles Lakers, Tuesday, May 27, 2008 in San Antonio. Longoria-Parker is married to Spurs guard Tony Parker. (AP Photo/Matt Slocum)

Did season finale of 'Lost' leave you coughin'?

Jack says: "Hey, guys! The water around the island is only this deep! We can probably walk our way back to L.A.!"

Dang, I hate to admit it, but ... the Season Four finale of "Lost" felt slightly underwhelming.

Oh, the night started off with a bang -- when Kate slammed on the brakes of her car as we continued the "I'm sick of lying!" airport showdown scene with Jack from the Season Three finale.

And the final scene of the night did its job by jolting us with a confirmation of who is resting in the casket at the funeral parlor of "Hoffs/Drawler" (an anagram for "Flash Forward," doncha know).

But for most of the night, it just felt like we were wrapping up loose ends whose resolution had been signaled to us anyway all season long. Maybe I'll chalk some of that up to this being a crazy season to put on paper in its entirety because of the loss of time from the Writer's Guild strike.

So I won't bother so much with a breakdown of last night's episode, so much as I'll look forward to the questions I most want answered, and talk about the characters I'm most interested in.

My biggest question: OK, here's what we know. The island disappears and the Oceanic Six reappears in society around the end of December 2004. So it's late  2007, early 2008 when Ben and Jack meet in the funeral parlor. At that point, we know Ben's not on the island anymore. John Locke isn't on the island anymore. So who's in charge of the island at that point? Sawyer? Juliet? Richard Alpert? Is that why it's so important for Jack and Co. to go back, because it's Jack's destiny to run the island?

Sawyer: Don't get me wrong, James Ford had his moments in Season Four. We saw how desperately he wanted to protect Claire. And that was quite a leap of faith he took in the finale. But Season Four has got to be a letdown for fans of "Lost's" answer to Han Solo. I know we only had 14 episodes, but not one of them was Sawyer-centric. That's got to be one of the first things the writers fix in Season Five within the first three episodes. Hopefully, in the season opener.

Desmond: He survived the finale, but how much will he be back in the fold? Considering how Ben announced it's his mission to take down Penny, I'm sure Desmond will continue to get run through the wringer. He is my favorite of the living Lostaways. (My all-time favorite "Lost" character remains Mr. Eko, and I'm glad he got a shout-out in the Season Four finale).

Ben Linus: I love it when Ben is evil in a "world domination" way. I cringe whenever he is evil in a petty "I'm going to get you back, cuz you hurt my feelings" way. Either way, Ben remains in my Fave Five (assuming the island gets cell phone reception).

Miles: Of all the new characters introduced this season, Miles was the big hit. I think he's already seamlessly worked himself into the fabric of the show. And if anything ever happened to Sawyer, I wouldn't mind seeing Miles fill that void of the cynical scoundrel (though the ladies might disagree, given Sawyer's obvious advantages of long, blond hair, washboard abs and ... I think I'll stop with my description there). But I like Miles' smart-alek, take no junk attitude combined with his wacky "Sixth Sense" skills.

Michael/Walt: Note to major characters: It's not a good thing to see Christian Shephard in your grille. But it was great to see Walt in a cameo. It would be better to see Teen Walt return as a major player in Seasons Five and/or Six. It would be the perfect way to bookend the potential of all the spookly talents he had on display in Season One. And just because Michael stayed behind on the freighter doesn't mean we won't see him again in flashbacks and/or Christian Shephard-like visions. 

Daniel Faraday: So was he on a raft when the island went Swayze? Is he lost at sea, or was he swept along and now safe on shore? It would seem his character needs to stick around to explain to us more about all the time warp shenanigans. Plus, he's so mentally unstable, I can see him busting out in a "Let's do the Time Warp Again" production number, and that would be entertaining.

Claire: Dead or alive or what? Another issues the writers need to address within the first three episodes of Season Five.

Sayid: Was he lying when he told Hurley he was going to take him "somewhere safe" that wasn't the island? If Sayid is still working for Ben, it would seem this scene would dovetail with Ben's "Let's put the band back together" mission. And that would make Sayid a liar to Hurley, because that would be the whole point: Get the Oceanic Six back on the island. Or maybe Sayid knows Ben's plan, doesn't agree with Ben's plan, and is ready to go on the run with Hurley to make sure they don't get back on the island.

Juliet: She saves Jack from a burst appendix, and this is the thanks she gets? Or maybe given how she knows so many of the island's secrets from working with Ben, she's the Queen of the Island in Locke's absence. Or! Maybe she's the one who overthrew Locke in the first place ...

Oh, well. Now we wait until January or February '09. Anyone have some Dharma Initiative orientation films we can watch in the meantime?

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AP CAPTION: In this image released by ABC, Matthew Fox is shown in a scene from the season finale of "Lost," which aired Thursday, May 29, 2008, on ABC.  (AP Photo/ABC, Mario Perez)

Mmmm ... football tailgating with The Simpsons ...

OK ... we all know "The Simpsons" has not been especially kind to Columbia, S.C.

First, there was that time when Lisa refused to fall for Homer's trick to enroll her at USC:

Homer: "Don't worry, honey.  We can't afford this now, but when it's time, I promise my darling daughter can go to the finest school there is ... in South Carolina."

Lisa: "Oh! I will not be a Gamecock!"

Homer: "You will too!"  [Lisa continues her struggle, until her grip on the bars finally slips] "Go Gamecocks!"

Lisa: "No!"

From: "The Bart Wants What it Wants" (May 19, 1999)

... and there was that time Chief Wiggum sent Bart on an undercover mission:

Wiggum: "Your mission is to find the fireworks smugglers, and get them to say something incriminating on this tape."  [holds up a cassette tape]

Bart: [reading the tape label] "'Hootie and the Blowfish'?"

Wiggum: "Yeah.  It's cheaper than blank tape."

From: "Trilogy of Error" (April 29, 2001)

... but an episode this season called "Any Given Sundance" begins with the citizens of Springfield taking in some tailgating before The Big Game between Springfield U and Springfield A&M.

The tailgate party/brawl covers the first three minutes of this episode ... the rest is about Lisa making a documentary about her home life ... but since no one has a good excuse to tailgate for a few months yet, this ought to hold you through the summer.

And it's jam-packed with great one-liners:

Sideshow Mel: "Your tenure track is heavily politicized!"

Ultimate 'Seinfeld' sports score? Nothing-Nothing

In honor of the 10th anniversary of the final episode of "Seinfeld," Dave Darling -- the Weekend Watchdog TV columnist at the Orlando Sentinel -- salutes the Top 10 Sports Moments in "Seinfeld" History.

He makes a great point in his opening paragraph:

Have you ever noticed how "Everybody Loves Raymond," a show about a sports columnist, rarely was about sports, but "Seinfeld," a show about nothing, often was about sports?

My only suggestion to Darling's fine work? He should have started that sentence with "Didja ever notice ... ?"

Not a surprise that "Seinfeld" sports such a fine sports pedigree ... after all, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Larry David were '80s veterans of "Saturday Night Live" (she a performer, he a writer) ... cue shameless plug to my "SNL Sportsplex" now.

Guesspert public service message: Get your transcripts for all "Seinfeld" episodes at SeinfeldScripts.com.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to apply for an internship at Kramerica.

Whip up the band with Indiana Jones

And now the moment you've all been waiting for -- especially if you're a Lucasfilm geek like me.

"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Krystal Burgers" -- no, wait, that's "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" opens at theaters today.

Don't spoil the end for me ... with my work schedule, I might not get to see it until Sunday.

But if you need a refresher on your Indy lore, check out my Indiana Jones A-Z Guide on thestate.com ... or if you're too darn lazy to click, I'll just copy and paste it below.

The bonus if you stay here is that I'll get us in the mood with the above YouTube clip that loudly and proudly plays the John Williams classic "Raiders March."

A. Hope you knew the ARK of the Covenant holds the original Ten Commandments. As Dr. Jones scolded two agents from Army Intelligence, "Didn't you guys ever go to Sunday school?"

B. No matter how much you hate your job, getting crushed by a 22-foot BOULDER isn't one of your occupational hazards.

C. "Temple of Doom" opens with a romp through the Shanghai nightspot CLUB OBI WAN. Wonder how Lucas came up with that name?

D. Want to find "The best DIGGER in Egypt?" We recommend Indy's trusty sidekick Sallah (John Rhys-Davies).

E. How did Henry Jones Sr. (Sean Connery) know that Dr. ELSA Schneider (Alison Doody) was a Nazi? "She talks in her sleep," he admitted, to Jones Jr.'s (double) surprise.

F. Rene Belloq (Paul Freeman) is the FRENCH archaeologist who tries to help the Germans win the Ark. Gee, no political symbolism at work there ...

G. You think Henry Jones Sr.'s GRAIL DIARY contains any Monty Python jokes?

H. Who would win in a fight - Indy's HAT or Chuck Norris' beard?

I. Why does Jones Sr. always refer to the son as "Junior"? Because they named the dog INDIANA.

J. If you ever stroll through a life-or-death "word of God" trap, don't step on the "J" tile - in Latin, JEHOVAH begins with an I.

K. Grab a cult victim's heart through his chest and Mola Ram's to blame; he gives human sacrifices to KALI MA a bad name.

L. Helpful hint: When taunting the Chinese gangster LAO CHE about how you've escaped his clutches, don't flee on a plane marked "Lao Che Air Freight."

M. MARCUS Brody (Denholm Elliott) is Indy's valued academic consigliere, even though the nerdy curator "once got lost in his own MUSEUM."

N. For the countless times Indy has traded punches with the Third Reich, it's the ultimate understatement when Indy mutters, "NAZIS. I hate these guys."

O. No telling where Indy's personal ODOMETER was set when he said this about his globetrotting: "It's not the years, it's the mileage."

P. Think Cole PORTER ever imagined "Anything Goes" would open a movie - sung in Mandarin?

Q. Child actor Ke Huy QUAN lived two ultimate dreams of `80s boyhood: being Indy sidekick Short Round and one of the "Goonies."

R. Keeping up with the Jonses means keeping up with the RAVENWOODS: Abner was Indy's mentor, while daughter Marion (Karen Allen) was Indy's squeeze.

S. "SNAKES. Why did it have to be SNAKES!?"

T. Nefarious Nazi TOHT (Ronald Lacey) kept the heat on Indy and Marion throughout "Raiders" - until his face melted.

U. Young Indy called UTAH home in 1912, when he was in the Boy Scouts.

V. Even after escaping from being burned to death next to hundreds of rats in a catacomb, Indy can step out of the sewer and admire, "Ah, VENICE."

W. Crack that WHIP! Indy would have been 81 years old when Devo's new wave anthem "WHIP It!" snapped onto the charts in 1980.

X. The treasure map cliche "X marks the spot" came true for Indy in the marble floor of a Venice library.

Y. Of the 44 made-for-TV episodes of "The YOUNG Indiana Jones Chronicles," Harrison Ford sports a beard in his one appearance - he filmed it during a break from "The Fugitive."

Z. If only 21st century TSA inspectors could get passengers in line the way Indy did by throwing a Nazi officer off a ZEPPELIN and barking two words ... "No ticket!"

Can you guess Larry the Cable Guy's favorite college football team?

Dan Whitney -- aka Larry the Cable Guy -- surely is one of the nation's most popular Blue Collar comedians.

But when it comes to college football, Larry the Cable Guy is thinking of a different color -- Red.

As in Nebraska Cornhusker Go Big Red.

In this interview with the St. Pete Times, Larry brags about being able to afford a skybox at Memorial Stadium.

"The first Blue Collar movie, when I first started getting some money — like any guy, you buy yourself a flat screen. So I got a big TV. Then my next big purchase was four Mickey Thompson (off-road tires) for my truck ... Then I got the skybox. I was set."

And he's just not any casual fan ... money lets you call the shots in more ways than one.

"They invited me to be the guest coach for any game I want, and I get to call the first play. So I'm going to do that this year. ... I'm not telling you what I'm going to call.''

And don't let the beer gut fool you -- the Cable Guy is a Bat Guy too:

Whitney has taken batting practice with several major-league teams — most recently, the Milwaukee Brewers. ... "Let me just say that (Brewers manager) Ned Yost told me that out of all the celebrities that have come to battin' practice, I've been the best hitter so far. And I'm not braggin', but that's what he said."

My favorite anecdote is for why he doesn't do political humor:

"It's not worth it to eliminate half your crowd. Unless I can make it pretty funny and universal, I'm not going to do it. On "The Tonight Show," they asked me if I was following (the election), and I said, 'I thought Super Tuesday was two tacos for 99 cents at Taco Bell.' "

Since Jack Shephard spat out A-Rod's name ...

... during Thursday night's episode of "Lost," that gives me a sports-reference excuse to chime in about my all-time favorite TV show.

Here's my first observation about "Something Nice Back Home": We know Jack is Aaron's half-uncle ... so if Jack takes it upon himself to raise the boy ... does that make him a "Daddy Uncle" or an "Uncle Daddy"?

During Kate and Jack's fight at the end, I like that they mention that Sawyer "made his choice" to stay on the island. That gives at least some sliver of hope that everyone who's not a member of the Oceanic Six is going to get massacred before all this business is through.

My verdict: This was one of the best character-driven episodes in the series' run. And it wasn't done at the expense of any of the action or thrills (like Claire trying to keep baby Aaron from squawking while she, Sawyer and Miles were squatting to hide from meany Keamy and company.

Take for instance the way Juliet handled Jack's request to have Kate on hand for his surgery -- Juliet came out and presented the opportunity to Kate as though they were agreeing this was Kate's call to make. The show has been great through the years in giving us these conspiratorial asides that set up  plot twists -- but in this case, there was no plot element at stake. They were just showing us an olive-branch side to their competitive relationship.

Even the march through the jungle of Sun, Jin, Daniel and Charlotte ... everyone did such a great job with their scenes (especially Daniel Dae Kim as Jin) that those few minutes together almost felt as thought the entire episode were devoted to their errand.

My one complaint with the episode: When I saw flashforwarding through the commercials on my DVR, I accidentally overshot a spot where the episode came back on ... and saw alternating headshots of Jin and Charlotte with lettering on the bottom of the screen. As I rewound to the start of that scene I thought to myself, "What was that? Was Charlotte speaking Korean with Jin?" So that little surprise was spoiled. I'll say the fault is half mine for not being quick on the trigger and half for the show for putting that surprise so close to the comeback from a commercial break.

P.S. Someone on the wiki "Lostpedia" researched that a Yankees home sweep of the Sox occurred August 31, 2007. The only mention A-Rod gets in the NYTimes write-up of that final game is that Kevin Youkilis ran out of the baseline to avoid an A-Rod tag. Terry Francona was ejected for arguing the call. ... and here's a closeup screenshot of Jack's morning paper.

Our birthday present to you

That's right! It's March 26 -- the 35th birthday for me and my evil twin brother, Orville. Time to party like it's 1973! Wait, I think that would have to include making screaming baby noises. Nevermind.

As a non-native South Carolinian who lives in Irmo, allow me to shake my pompom for former Yellow Jackets cheerleader Leeza Gibbons, who turns 51.

Click here for The Associated Press' entire "This day in history/famous birthdays" boilerplate for March 26.

To keep us sports-related, happy birthday to ex-Utah Jazzman John Stockton, who is 46. For some reason, the AP's birthday list does not include ex-NFL running back great Marcus Allen, who is 48.

Have you ever seen the BustedTees shirt, "Attention Ladies! I enjoy Grey's Anatomy!"? Well, attention ladies! I was born on the same day as T.R. Knight (aka, Dr. George O'Malley).

Also, country singer Kenny Chesney is 40. I'll let you know if he's planning to come to town to sneeze today, I'm sure that would sell out the Colonial Center. Can you contain your excitement for one more month until his Williams-Brice Stadium show?

Michael Imperioli is 42. I'll have to remember to have a "Sopranos" marathon one of these birthdays. James Caan is 68. I once did have a "Godfather Trilogy" all-day screening, back in the day of VHS, tho not on my birthday. Cooked lots of pasta and sausage to help get through the day.

My old pal from student newspaper days Nancy Othon does the b-day thing today too. Among other reporter-journalist-type things, she has a parenting blog at the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. Speaking of baby-talk.

Ah, here's a member of "Club 326" I never picked up on: Jazz saxophonist James Moody is 83. Hey, born not so far away in Savannah, Ga. Here's my birthday gift to you ... some sounds from his song "Easy Living." Here's to some easy living to you, this fine spring day.

I'd share some birthday cake, but I think Orville already stole the whole thing.

The truth will out

Here's good news for Spygate buffs who wonder if anyone will ever fess up to the extent of the Patriots' pattern of cheating under Bill Belichick.

Eventually, someone will get worn out with carrying the burden of what he knows, and will seek a forum.

Says who? Says the guy who wrote an article that tells how the New York Giants really were stealing signals during the season the culminated with The Shot Heard Round the World.

My experience with the 1951 Giants tells me that at the length, the truth will out. An NFL official who reviewed the Patriot tapes before they were destroyed will speak up. Additional incriminating tapes will emerge. An ex-Pat such as Mangini or Ted Johnson, one of the walking injured Belichick played, will decide that it's right to confess his own role in Spygate. A hero like quarterback Tom Brady or kicker  Adam Vinatieri will heed his nagging conscience.

Only Belichick will likely deny to the end. Asked in 1962 whether his Giants stole signals in 1951, Durocher answered: "No. No. No."

See: "Cheats Heard 'Round the World" by Joshua Prager at The Washington Post.

Nutra-what?

Have you had your Nutraloaf today?

If you answered yes, that means you're probably in prison.

Here's a story that moved on the AP wire about this particular ... uh ... delicacy:

When shooting suspect Christopher Williams acted up in prison, he was given nutraloaf — a mixture of cubed whole wheat bread, nondairy cheese, raw carrots, spinach, seedless raisins, beans, vegetable oil, tomato paste, powdered milk and dehydrated potato flakes.

Prison officials call it a complete meal. Inmates say it's so awful they'd rather go hungry.

On Monday, the Vermont Supreme Court will hear arguments in a class action suit brought by inmates who say it's not food but punishment and that anyone subjected to it should get a formal disciplinary process first.

So whichever way the court rules, I'll tell you this: "Nutraloaf" is a very strong candidate to be a fantasy team name this fall.

Here's a photo of said loaf ... click to enlarge ... unless you're interested in keeping your appetite for the next few hours ... it's so repulsive-looking, yet I can't ... LOOK ... AWAY!!!

One of my co-workers just said it looks like what his couch is stuffed with.

Nutraloaf, a product from the cafeteria of the Chittenden Regional Correctional Facility, sits atop an inmate's bunk bed at the facility in South Burlington, Vt., on Friday, March 21, 2008. Nutraloaf is made of whole wheat bread, non-dairy cheese, raw carrots, spinach, seedless raisins, beans, vegetable oil, tomato paste, powdered milk and dehydrated potato flakes. To prison officials, it's a complete meal. To inmates, it's a food so awful, they'd rather go hungry than eat it. (AP Photo/Andy Duback)