It's time for a miracle push in the Week 12 NFL Power Rankings
Friends, I don't gamble on the NFL (unless you count Fantasy Football as gambling. Which you should). I'm talking about like calling your bookie to put a thousand dollars down on the Jaguars at plus-five. I don't gamble like that. I've never even been to Vegas (but I've always admired how that '70s TV show used to spell Vega$).
But I was intrigued by the ending of the Steelers-Chargers game, where a disallowed TD on the final play prevented Pittsburgh from covering the spread. So I thought the idea of "gambling odds" would make a fine theme for this week's NFL Power Rankings.
I got about halfway through writing it, peppering the one-liners with authentic-sounding spreads like 20-1, 200-1, 5-2, etc. That's when I realized that I should put a disclaimer on this somewhere that these odds are presented for entertainment value only. These are not real odds endorsed by Vega$ or any reputable bookmaker. They're just plain-old made up, folks!
Not that it would stop you from actually placing money on these bets, whether because you're just plain zany or one of those "addicted to gambling" types who needs professional help. If you can find some rube who would pay off on these, congratulations. But if you lose money, don't you wish you would have bought a nice steak dinner instead? Or at least treated me to a nice steak dinner.
Now I'm rambling. Let's get on to this week's Power Rankings. Oh, and if you missed it, my evil twin brother Orville and I agree that the NFL overtime system is not broken, so please, nobody try fixing it.
WEEK 12: GAMBLING ODDS EDITION
1.
(NC) TENNESSEE TITANS: Doesn't take 10-1 odds to know that Jeff Fisher and Co. don't want to be 10-1 after meeting the Jets.
2.
(NC) NEW YORK GIANTS: They hope the odds of keeping Brandon Jacobs
healthy aren't the same as David Tyree making that catch again.
3. (NC) PITTSBURGH STEELERS: 3-2 odds that bookies think the end of the Steelers-Chargers game was the play of the year.
4. (NC) CAROLINA PANTHERS: Receivers wondering why odds are suddenly a long shot of catching a completion from Jake Delhomme.
5.
(+3) TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS: Odds of reaching playoffs just got taller
now that tiny Warrick Dunn is the running back who must carry the load.
6.
(+1) ARIZONA CARDINALS: There's no line on the odds to wrap up a
division title this weekend -- only because we're in a state of shock.
7. (+3) NEW YORK JETS: Odds are 6-1 that Captain Favre can get these Jets flying supersonic into the playoffs.
8. (+6) MIAMI DOLPHINS: Are betting 11-1 that the Patriots defense won't be able to stop the Wildcat formation again.
9. (+6) INDIANAPOLIS COLTS: Odds are 80-1 that the usual AFC South card sharps thought they'd be jockeying for a wild card.
10. (+2) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS: Doesn't take 18-1 odds to know they regret not getting the job done last season.
11. (-5) BALTIMORE RAVENS: Odds are 4-1 that Joe Flacco can grow as a QB by going up against his own defense.
12. (+4) DALLAS COWBOYS: 3-1 that America's team is hitting its stride at right time ... not just on the field, but in inventing soap opera story lines.
13. (+8) DENVER BRONCOS: Odds are 5-2 they couldn't screw up the AFC West lead if the offense lined up backward every play.
14. (-5) ATLANTA FALCONS: Since they've already surpassed last year's 4-12 mark, let's give 12-1 odds they'll earn a wild card berth.
15. (-4) WASHINGTON REDSKINS: Three years ago, odds were 10,000-1 against that a team could have Clinton Portis and Shaun Alexander in the same backfield.
16. (-11) PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: 2-1 that Donovan McNabb will hear about his tie-game befuddlement the rest of his life.
17. (+2) GREEN BAY PACKERS: Team is 5-5, so flip a coin if you want an opinion as to if they'll make the playoffs.
18. (+5) NEW ORLEANS SAINTS: Dan Marino hopes odds are 5,084-1 against Drew Brees breaking his single-season yards passing record.
19. (-6) CHICAGO BEARS: Where will team's wild rags-to-riches swings end? We'll give 3-1 rags, 300-1 riches.
20. (+4) CLEVELAND BROWNS: With every Brady Quinn completion, Derek Anderson's odds of returning as the starter are that much more in the doghouse.
21. (-4) BUFFALO BILLS: Hope Dick Jauron didn't make a bet that an AFC East division title could be won in September.
22. (-4) MINNESOTA VIKINGS: Troy Williamson is facing 200-1 odds against beating Brad Childress in the career longevity category.
23. (-3) SAN DIEGO CHARGERS: With coach Norv Turner set to return in 2009, odds of reaching Super Bowl just went to 2,009-1
25. (+4) SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS: Odds of Mike Singletary getting the "interim" removed from his coaching title doesn't interest him as much as the odds of him kicking your butt.
26. (-1) HOUSTON TEXANS: 50-1 odds that the NFL will award an expansion franchise to Houston in 2009. Oh, they started one in 2002? Yikes!
27. (NC) ST. LOUIS RAMS: Odds of Marc Bulger throwing another interception? Pick 'em.
28. (NC) SEATTLE SEAHAWKS: 8-1 that Mike Holmgren is thinking his sabbatical can't start soon enough.
29. (+1) CINCINNATI BENGALS: It's 25-1 that the team calls a tie score a moral victory; 500-1 of earning another real victory.
30. (-4) KANSAS CITY CHIEFS: 20-1 odds that U.S. economy will rebound before this franchise rights itself.
31.
(NC) OAKLAND RAIDERS: Sure there are 100 yards on a football field, but
it shouldn't be 100-1 odds of you finding the end zone.
32. (NC)
DETROIT LIONS: If Rich Rodriguez's Michigan Wolverines played these
Lions on a neutral field, Vegas wouldn't touch that line -- with good
reason.
-------
AP CAPTION: New slot machines are showcased at the Global Gaming Expo (G2E) in Las Vegas, Wednesday, Nov. 19, 2008. Casino companies are all facing problems
because of the rough economy, but smaller operators might be less
likely to survive them, Frank Fahrenkopf Jr., the head of the American
Gaming Association said Tuesday. (AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)
Comments